Wasn’t the Summer of 2007 referred to as “The Summer of the Sequel”? There’s certainly enough press on this that I don’t have to repeat it. A google will get you to a vast number of lists in moments...

This month’s column, in case you were wondering, is not going to be about film sequels such as Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix, Spider Man, or The Bourne Ultimatum. It’s not going to be about novel sequels, either.

If you’d like to know what this column is really about, then visit the website for Bram Stoker Award Winning writer, Michael A. Arnzen. He has an awesome newsletter that you can get sent to your inbox for free! Just leap through the portal to gorelets.com and sign up. One of his many quotable adages is this: “Blather. Rinse. Repeat.” He, like many horror writers, knows the inner workings of the mind, and its inherent proclivity (just like those famous lever-pushing-pleasure-seeking rats) to repeat particular—and peculiar— acts ad infinitum. Or, at the very least, ad nauseum.

Think about it. What do YOU (and/or those proverbial “others”) do over and over and over again, much to your own and other people’s amazement, amusement, frustration, disgust, and chagrin? (Perhaps there’s even some joy and bliss cycling through that blender.)

What aspect of YOUR life—and/or the lives of those around you—continues to unfurl a la film noir—but perhaps with an updated score?

Give up? Really?

Think about it...I know I have, so this month, I conducted a few informal polls in an attempt to gain some insight into what disturbs and horrifies some of the people around me (Note: I believe that all of these answers were meant to be serious, even though they may not appear to be. Dark humor may abound as well. Remember, though, that what doesn’t frighten us, may frighten someone else, and vice versa.):

a.. The Ongoing War in Iraq

b.. Getting Divorced

c.. Getting married

d.. Remaining a virgin

e.. Not remaining a virgin

f.. Movie sequels

g.. Medical Insurance (Kaiser, specifically)

h.. Politicians

i.. Local Politics

j.. The Presidential “Election”

k.. Freedom of Speech AKA The Lack Thereof l.. Lawyers

m.. Needing a lawyer and not being able to find one

n.. Having a lawyer and not being able to afford them

o.. The Police

p.. Being overdrawn at the bank

q.. Credit card debt

r.. Student loan debt

s.. Not having very many myspace.com friends

t.. Not finding parking spaces

u.. Gentrification

v.. Housing Costs

w.. Pimples, Cellulite, and Body Odor

x.. Reality TV

y.. College tuition

z.. Not knowing whom “if anyone”is trustworthy

aa.. Children

ab.. Getting Pregnant

ac.. Globalization

ad.. Urbanization

ae.. The Burbs (and not just the film...)

af.. Having their car stolen

ag.. Dealing with car insurance companies after the theft of said car

ah.. Missing their bus

ai.. Being late to work

aj.. Bad coffee

ak.. The Homeless

al.. School cafeteria food

am.. Fast food

an.. Running out of beer

ao.. Drinking too much

ap.. Dealing with administrative types

aq.. Global Warming

ar.. Extra-terrestrials living among us

as.. Un-identified Flying Objects

at.. Objects of Non-terrestrial origin

au.. Computers and computers

av.. Not having the rent money

aw.. Not having money to party

ax.. Not knowing how to party

ay.. That there’s nothing good on TV

az.. That they don’t have the latest techno gadget

ba.. Clutter

bb.. Christians and other Fundamentalists taking over the country—or the world

bc.. Not graduating on time

bd.. Not getting work study

be.. Having to work

bf.. Sex, and other performance-anxietyridden activities

bg.. Being 10 pounds overweight

bh.. Being 20 pounds overweight

bi.. Getting a disease—any disease

bj.. Being healthy

bk.. Being abandoned

bl.. Being alone

bm.. Living in an abusive relationship

bn.. Misusing their power

bo.. Having others misuse their power

bp.. People being too nice

bq.. People not being nice

br.. That there is no separation between church and state

bs.. Evolution

bt.. Not evolving

bu.. Intelligent Design

bv.. Being the only one left like you (a la Body Snatchers)

bw.. Inoculations, vaccines, and pharmaceuticals in general

bx.. That we’ll find intelligent life in outer space

by.. That intelligent life doesn’t exist on earth

bz.. That we’re living someone else’s life hooked up to a mainframe

ca.. That our lives are a Twilight Zone episode

cb.. That reality TV is real

cc.. That someone will discover their secrets

cd.. That THIS is all we get. . .

And this is just the short list. . .

If you could somehow plot these on a graph, what pattern(s) might be revealed?

To begin with, might the above be categorized into those things which we have control over and those which we do not? What about that fuzzy area in between? (And NO... I am not about to cite, or otherwise discuss “The Lord’s Prayer”!)

Given recent dialogues with a variety of people, I’ve discovered a preoccupation with control issues. Okay. Maybe “preoccupation” isn’t the best possible word choice. Suffice it to say that I’ve stood guard, held vigil, and/or otherwise born witness to internal monologues, external monologues, and dialogic exchanges where this is a primary force at play.

Control is about power, isn’t it? Learning how to use it. Using it. Learning how not to abuse it. Abusing it. Bartering, trading, or otherwise buying it. Exchanging it. Giving it away. Taking, or otherwise usurping it.

For example, if Person A doesn’t feel in control of their life, what do—or might they do— about it?

That’s a pretty broad question, isn’t it? Where to begin? What aspect of their life don’t they feel they have a handle on?

When further pressed, it turns out that Person A feels out-of-control every time they turn on the news. If they confided this to Person B, the response might be, “so don’t turn on the news—it’s a no-brainer!” (While humorous to some, this might not be the most sensitive answer...Although there are those in various communities who encourage people not to watch the news.

Enter Person C, who responds (kindly, and patiently, one would hope) as follows: “What is it about the news that causes you to feel this?”

Okay. Psych 101 stuff, right? Enter Oprah and Dr. Phil and other hosts and well-meaning individuals too numerous to mention. The point here, is to get at the causes, multiple though they may be.

Now enter Persons D, E, and F who engage in a discussion about current issues, along with much theorizing and speculation about historic causes and effects, complete with a booklist, article list, and additional resources such as study and discussion groups.

Turn the blender on “puree”.

Are we any closer to solving Person A’s fear that they don’t have any control over their life when they turn on the news?

Perhaps. Or perhaps not.

Then there’s that fuzzy area in between.

Until next time, I am truly yours, The Mistress of Rhetoric!

Please send your rants, raves, comments, ultimatums, and quiz answers to YT C/O ESPRESSO